“You know, if we die down there, mom is gonna kill us.”

Directed by: Brad Peyton

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Josh Hutcherson, Michael Caine, Vanessa Hudgens, Luis Guzmán

Official synopsis: 

The new journey begins when young adventurer Sean (Josh Hutcherson) receives a coded distress signal from a mysterious island where no island should exist-a place of strange life forms, mountains of gold, deadly volcanoes, and more than one astonishing secret. Unable to stop him from going, Sean’s new stepfather (Dwayne Johnson) joins the quest. Together with a helicopter pilot (Luis Guzman) and his beautiful, strong-willed daughter (Vanessa Hudgens), they set out to find the island, rescue its lone inhabitant and escape before seismic shockwaves force the island under the sea and bury its treasures forever.

Mini Review:

WOW! Where to begin with this timeless classic hot mess? If you’re a fan of poor characters who are poorly acted, playing out a poor script, then Journey 2 will be right up your alley. Admittedly, I’m probably not the target audience for this film, however the plot holes and unlikeable characters make this just impossible to recommend to anyone, including its family target

I’m just going to throw this out there….Josh Hutcherson’s “Sean” is just a terrible child, and a bit of an anomaly. He’s a motorbike riding, law breaking, doesn’t care about the rules, school skipping…..straight A student who knows everything about everything ever, apparently. Something about him doesn’t compute! Though he’s a bit of a complete brat, and unnecessarily sour towards his step dad Hank (Dwayne Johnson), it kind of runs in the family as his uncle Alexander (Michael Caine) is also, frankly, just horrible, and also massively irresponsible.

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson doesn’t get off the hook fully though, as he takes the biscuit when it comes to irresponsible parenting. Despite being told multiple times that the journey to the supposed location of The Mysterious Island would lead to certain death, not only does he agree to take his step son there, but he pays for the privilege, flying on a broken down chopper owned by the over acting Luis Guzmán and his personality free daughter (Vanessa Hudgens).

On the island the gang encounter giant lizards, giant birds, giant spiders, giant bees, giant- you get the picture. All of which are realised through CGI which appears to have been completed using technology from the 90’s, because it all looks ridiculous. The greatest mysteries the film poses are how a script with as many holes as a sieve was given the go ahead, why on Earth the cast signed up for this, and just why it happened.

The only saving grace is that the island is sinking without a trace (conveniently as soon as the rag tag group of heroes arrives), meaning that there is no chance of audiences having to return there for a sequel any time soon. There is a God after all.

In short:

This is not the movie you’re looking for.

Rating (out of 5):